Resiliency and Recovery have a nice ring. The two R’s! Having a backbone makes this process a lot easier.
Resiliency is having the ability to adapt in the face of adversity. The more you know yourself, the greater your self-awareness, and the greater your backbone, the greater your chance for success in your recovery.
Resiliency is also what NORMAL people can do during adversity that leads others to say these people are extraordinary. Remember: Resiliency, I repeat, is what normal people are capable of doing! Look at a movie, TV show, book, or event that inspires you the most because an ordinary person found something inside himself he didn’t know he had.
Anyone can do this! Be this person in your recovery!
Six Tools for Resiliency
Let’s look at 6 tools to help you build resiliency in your recovery:
Tool #1 Develop a Mission Statement
“I am a sober, resilient, authentic, man/woman, husband/wife, father/mother, brother/sister, daughter/son making a difference in the world.” Now, believe this and every choice you make has to be aligned with your mission statement. If you make a choice out of alignment, you will know where you derailed yourself!
Every thought you have has to support your mission statement. If a negative thought comes in, override it with your new mantra — your mission statement! You may repeat your mission statement thousands of times a day if necessary, and eventually, you will internalize it. It will also help you be really aware of the negative thoughts and how out of alignment they are with your mission statement.
Every action you take has to support your mission statement. Again; if it doesn’t, you will derail yourself.
Another advantage of having a mission statement is keeping you in the present. This is what you are doing the next second, which turns into the next minute, hour, day, week, month and year. There is peace when you stay in the present. Suffering happens when you are remorseful about the past or worrying about the future.
Tool #2 Develop a Network of Support already living your mission statement!
Your network of support may be lots of new friends, which is fine. Sometimes housecleaning friends who don’t want the best for you (or themselves) is the best choice you can make. Have regular contact and call them whenever it is necessary to help you make the right choice.
Watch how your new friends communicate, resolve challenges, stay focused, stay on course, manage their emotions and approach life. Picking good role models is key for all of us in life!
Tool #3 Hire a self-awareness team that is self-aware!
You need a team to support you on your self-awareness journey. Select your team members with discernment and rigor. When you understand yourself — who you are, your dharma/your gift to the world, how others see you, your thoughts, opinions, likes dislikes — you will be more successful in every domain of your life. (Make sure your team is and has been on a self-awareness journey and are, at the very least, living the way you want to reinvent yourself!)
Tool #4 Develop your backbone!
You need to be able to say “No” when you mean no, make requests for what is important to you, and speak your truth.
You have to develop a backbone to advocate for yourself. Spending your life avoiding conflict and trying to please others doesn’t work as a tool for successful living and sets you up to be vulnerable to the takers in the world. I am not advocating for you to be a taker, however, you need to be able to say “No” to being used. The more you know yourself, the more you know who is fighting to keep who sober.
Tool #5 Gratitude!
Develop a gratitude program. Wake up every morning and say out loud 5 things for which you are grateful. Do the same when you go to sleep. When you face adversity, thank the universe or your higher belief for the skills and tools you already have to face the adversity. Be grateful for the progress you have made in your recovery. You can be grateful for being alive in order to be grateful.
Tool #6 Keep Moving Forward
Don’t look back, it is not the direction you are going.”
Wallowing in the past is not going to help anyone — least of all you. Learn your lessons from your choices and move forward with dignity. Develop goals that have a beginning, middle, and an end! Appreciate yourself when you have accomplished each goal.
Guilt keeps you stuck and is a useless emotion. Replace guilt with accountability. When you make a mistake, apologize with sincerity and move on. What is a sincere apology? “I apologize for offending you and I will do everything in my power to never do that again.”
Apologies are not just words. They are words followed by action.
Get Excited About Your Journey
After you develop your mission statement, wake up every morning excited about your journey. Manage your mood moment by moment declining suffering, negativity, resentment and resignation, staying only in curiosity, excitement, joy, gratitude, and peace!
Every day you are aligned with your mission statement is a day you have developed resiliency in recovery and a backbone to support you! Congrats!!
This article was originally published on Recovery.org
© 2019 Dr. Anne Brown; Psychotherapist, Speaker, and Author of Backbone Power The Science of Saying No. Permission needed for any form of reproduction.
New Release “Backbone Power The Science of Saying No updated and abridged Audiobook” narrated by Dr. Anne Brown, the author herself. Do the exercises and see results! Click here