e will look to some of our strong recovery tools for answers to having a strong, successful love relationship.

Many very wise people have told us “If you can’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else.” It is important to love yourself in order to have a successful recovery. When you start here and apply a few principles, you can make your relationship with yourself, your recovery, and with others work.

If you’re a people-pleaser, allow yourself to be abused by others, or become a victim, it is always at the cost of loving yourself. …

Resiliency and Recovery have a nice ring. The two Rs! Having a backbone makes this process a lot easier.

Resiliency is having the ability to adapt in the face of adversity. The more you know yourself, the greater your self-awareness, and the greater your backbone, the greater your chance for success in your recovery.

Resiliency is also what NORMAL people can do during adversity that leads others to say these people are extraordinary. Remember Resiliency, I repeat, is what normal people are capable of doing! …

Living without a backbone sets you up for severe consequences in the domains of health, finances, career, friendships, romance, recovery, and your dignity for starters.

What does this mean? How can this be? It means you don’t know how to advocate for yourself and even worse you have insidious rationalizations on why you shouldn’t stand up for yourself. It can “be” for many reasons, but for openers because of dysfunction or perceived dysfunction in your family of origin. Enter chemical dependency and your recovery and we have a huge mess.

For the purpose of our discussion, developing a backbone includes…

What is this phenomenon called “I need to make everyone in the world like me or people-pleasing?” This is a tough concept because in one-way people-pleasers are nice to be around. If we look deeper we have to ask at what cost? People pleasing can affect both men and women. Read more here.

If you are afraid to say No in an equal status relationship, it is time to re-evaluate. Do not say No if you fear physical violence. If you were raised with abuse, addictions, or extreme dysfunction it may not have been safe to say No. If you are out of those situations it is time to learn how to say No. Read more here.

If you grew up in a family with lots of dysfunction e.g. alcohol, anger, illness physical or mental, Borderline/narcissistic (it is all about me), or any other phenomena other than adult people being normal loving parents to their children you may have developed the symptoms of codependency. Quick test for you to ask yourself if you subscribe to any of these: “don’t rock the boat”, “everyone needs to like me,” “I hate conflict”, “asking myself what is important to me” is selfish,” if people really knew me they would know I was a fraud”. If the answer is YES, heads up and read on. Click here.

In Part I, we discussed how the codependent is a perfect victim for the narcissist. We discussed our working definition of codependency: a system of distortions that exists on a continuum. Codependents learn personality traits that interfere with knowing one’s self and others. Codependents take care of others, often ignoring or tolerating their abuse, avoiding confrontation, and enabling the “bad” behavior. Narcissists, on the other hand, come with three significant distinctions: grandiosity, seeking excessive attention, and lack of empathy.

Now, we are going to give the codependent some tools to get out from under the clutches of the narcissist’s seven…

For this discussion, we are going to stick with our understanding of codependency as a system of distortions that exists on a continuum. Codependents learn personality traits that interfere with knowing one’s self and others. The people-pleasing aspect of codependency might drive the ignoring of who we are trying to please. The focus of wanting approval may keep us from acknowledging abusive behaviors coming from the very person whose approval we seek. The need for harmony might prevent us from realizing we are enabling abusive behavior. Or any combination of the above. We don’t have the tools to deal with…

A No-Nonsense Approach to Making Decisions. A Self Help Guide to having Backbone and Integrity in all your choices, short term, and long term.

Is this decision going to be good for Me? To help Me be successful? How do I make the right choices? What are the effects and the outcomes? Ask yourself, Who am I really making these choices for?

Backbone Power was written to help everyone from mothers to college grads, to people that have to make hard choices between family and work. Anne Brown's professional experience and her no-nonsense approach can enable you to make decisions…

Anne Brown is a psychotherapist, speaker, coach, and the author of “Backbone Power: The Science of Saying No.” Anne is a graduate of the University of Virginia with a BS in Nursing; Boston University, with a MS in Psychiatric-Mental Health in Nursing; and International University, PhD in Addiction Studies.
For over twenty years she served as the trusted advocate and advisor to Influential Corporate leaders, Trial Attorneys, Athletes, Leaders, Physicians and their families.
Combining her own …

Originally published at https://www.spreaker.com/.

Dr. Anne Brown

Psychotherapist, Speaker, Coach, and Author of “Backbone Power The Science of Saying No” www.backbonepower.com | New Release Audiobook: http://bit.ly/2VMTr9W

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