Backbone Power | Backbone Tools: From Codependency to Dignity

Backbone Tools: From Codependency to Dignity

If you grew up in a family with lots of dysfunction e.g. alcohol, anger, illness physical or mental, Borderline/narcissistic (it is all about me), or any other phenomena other than adult people being normal loving parents to their children you may have developed the symptoms of codependency.

Backbone Tool One: Say ‘No’ when you mean No

Backbone Tool Two: Make Those Requests

You: “I always overspend during the holidays. Then I spend the next year climbing out of debt and not being able to do the things I had on my list to do for our family.”

Backbone Tool Three: Speak Authentically

“How am I going to handle our holiday dinner this year? Two of our cousins are going through very messy divorces. We want to support the children and our cousins even though we don’t necessarily support what they are doing and how they are handling things.”

Authentic Conversations

“Hi! cousin, I want to tell you how sad we are about the difficult challenges you are going through and now we have the holidays. We don’t want to contribute to any more difficulty so we would like to ask you how to best handle our holiday dinner. All want the children to have the most normal holiday possible so are you comfortable if we invite all of you and you can figure out between yourselves what to do. We love you all and just want you to know you are welcome at our home. If you are not comfortable all being in the same room, we will trust that you will do what is best for you.”

Psychotherapist, Speaker, Coach, and Author of “Backbone Power The Science of Saying No”