We have been looking at some of the costs and probable contributing factors of people-pleasing and now we are going to look at some examples.
I have had many clients come into my office with a laundry list of complaints about his/her spouse. One client, in particular, was talking about divorce. When I asked if he had ever expressed his concerns to his spouse his response was, “Oh no I couldn’t do that I wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings.” Now explain to me how leaving your partner who thinks she has a happy marriage is not going to hurt her feelings. This phenomenon happens frequently.
When your spouse tells you only what he thinks you want to hear, is always nice and accommodating, AND has a long list of secret complaints and resentments, you have a huge problem. One partner thinks everything is fine and the other is on the way to divorce.
Imagine the gap between these two individuals. Imagine what that would feel like to you to think you are in one situation only to find you are in another. By people-pleasing, you sell out on yourself and your partner. You do not know who you are, nor does your partner know you. You have built resentment! Resentment kills passion. You may shut down and this may set up the perfect scenario for an affair. After all, you feel justified because look at all the injustices your partner has committed. WRONG!!!!
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