Codependency and Narcissists: What Could Possibly Go Wrong? (Part I)

  • Shamelessness — Can’t process the shame they have.
  • Magical Thinking — Use distortion and illusion to see themselves as perfect.
  • Arrogance — Puts others down to elevate themselves.
  • Envy — May put down someone’s expertise he/she envies.
  • Entitlement — Unrealistic expectation for favorable treatment.
  • Exploitation — Uses others for their gain.
  • Bad Boundaries — Doesn’t understand where he/she ends and others end. Others exist to bolster his self-esteem

Digging into the Seven Sins

  • Envy. It would never occur to me that you might envy me…because that would require self-esteem. I’ve probably locked up and thrown away the key to any self-esteem I might have had. If I had self-esteem, I wouldn’t subscribe to all this obsequious behavior. When you put me down and minimize any accomplishments I might have because you don’t want to envy me, I probably find that comforting and familiar. And it gets us back to me controlling you like me.
  • Entitlement. If I, like the codependent, have carefully developed my skills of telling you what I think you want to hear, I am going to be able to give you, the narcissist, all the attention/flattery you want. As a matter of fact, you are easy for me because your road map is so clear. All the things I can do work well for you. My endless praise, validation, and agreement will support your entitlement.

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