Guidelines for Determining Toxic Relationships

Should I leave my relationship? This question is probably one of the top ten reasons people have come into my practice asking for help. I am a therapist who prefers to work preventatively. I would like someone who is in the market for a relationship to already be in therapy. A good therapist can evaluate your history with intimacy, help you heal your wounds and help you get clear on who might be a good partner for you.

A Quick Guide of Gauging Toxicity

  1. Keeping agreements.
  2. Handling finances.
  3. Treatment of you in many different situations.
  4. Treatment of his/her parents.
  5. Treatment of those they perceive are not his/her equal.
  6. Embracing your world with his/her world to create Our world.
  7. Respectful communication including resolving differences.
  8. How he/she handles anger/indignation (very important).
  9. Generous of heart.
  10. Good paradigm for emotional, spiritual, physical health.

These are just a few of the distinctions to be evaluating during your research project. Therapists cannot provide the chemistry. If someone gets under your skin, we can’t fix it. We can only assist you in having a healthy relationship with a healthy person.

Warning signs this is not a healthy person for you are probably very similar whether you are in your research project or you missed the warning signs and are now in a relationship of some duration. Here are some distinctions to evaluate. If they are not present, you will be missing a good strong foundation.

1: Keeping Agreements

2: Generosity

3: Authenticity

4: Healthy Communication

5: Healthy Boundaries



Photos Courtesy of Shutterstock

Originally published at on May 1, 2019.

Psychotherapist, Speaker, Coach, and Author of “Backbone Power The Science of Saying No”