Honor your children by fighting for your marriage and if you decide to divorce, do it with dignity!

If you are at the point of asking this question, you have some distinctions to consider. If you have children, you want to be able to have an answer for them when they ask you “why did you and Dad/Mom break up our family?” If you can answer this question (without blaming of course), you may be ready to move on. If not, you have work to do. It is time to really look at your marriage and see what is going on. Never threaten your partner with divorce to get his/her attention. Never make the divorce decision during a fight. No exit doors allowed in your fighting. Divorce is a serious life lesson for everyone and should be decided upon only after a lot of serious conversations. I have seen the consequences of people using the divorce word when they only wanted to get the other persons attention. Don’t threaten divorce when you don’t mean it!!

Deal Breakers vs. We grew apart

My assessment “we grew apart” covers what isn’t a deal breaker. When you have poor communication, nagging, fighting without resolution, resentment and bitterness, money issues, sex issues, passion issues, parenting issues, negative moods in the home etc. it is extremely important to find some good help. Divorce cost money and dividing up the pie often leaves both struggling financially, so spend the money for therapy, seminars, courses, workshops etc. to help save your family. If after a lot of hard work you both decide divorce is the best option, at least you will be able to say to your children, “We apologize for breaking up our family. We worked really hard to keep it together.” They still may be angry you broke up their family and you will have done the best you thought you could.

If one of you decides divorce is the only option and the other wants to stay married, “Houston we have a problem”. Often with time, loving and focusing on the family unit not the couple, bringing respect back into the home, things may resolve themselves. If you want to stay married swallow your pride and do nothing to initiate the divorce. Let the person who wants the divorce do the work to get it going. I am not recommending you be mean or unreasonable just take a stand for what you want, the family together, so don’t take out papers to divorce. If nothing happens your family unit may be saved. If the other person initiates the divorce by filing, you will need to grieve the loss of your marriage, get divorced and move on to create the best family possible with you and your children or you and your next partner, if no children are involved.

Children are impotent and vulnerable during a divorce. They don’t have a vote. Honor them by fighting for your marriage and if you decide to divorce, do it with dignity!

This article was originally published on Divorceforce.

© 2019 Dr. Anne Brown; Psychotherapist, Speaker, and Author of Backbone Power The Science of Saying No. Permission needed for any form of reproduction.

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