The Abusive Marriage — ‘What Happened to Me? ‘ | Backbone Power

In order to heal from an abusive marriage, it is important to understand what happened. The following are some scenarios and tactics of the perpetrator used to keep you under his/her thumb. See if you can identify any you recognize and let’s see if we can unravel this abusive puzzle. The first scenario will be an example with the male being the perpetrator and the female the victim. The second example a prototype of female to male and the third could be either sex and is a parent to child. Let me state again, the abuser can be either male or female. I, the wife, am reading a catalog when my abusive husband walks into the room. Now let’s be clear, I am minding my own business reading a clothing catalog. He starts screaming at me that I am always spending money, I am selfish, I don’t deserve to have any more clothes, I have so many and on and on. Now I am a self- supporting wife who makes her own money and in the past believed I was competent at taking care of my needs. My husband also has no evidence I am buying. I am looking at the catalog, not on the phone ordering. My husband is undermining my confidence and history of being able to financially take care of myself. If I hear this type of criticism every time I peruse or buy anything be it groceries, clothes, things for the home, etc. and I believe him, I am going to start to question what I know and the essence of who I am.

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Psychotherapist, Speaker, Coach, and Author of “Backbone Power The Science of Saying No”

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