The Power of Conversation For Married Couple
Marriage is not a noun, it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get, it’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day”. ~Barbara De Angelis
Keep the couple juicy!
The next time you are in a restaurant look around at the tables and see what is going on with families and couples. Some tables are non-stop talking and some tables are totally silent. Where do you and your partner fit in on that spectrum? If you both are happy not saying a word read no further. No need to upset the applecart. If you want a lively table/marriage let’s put a little attention to the conversation domain. Let’s look at 5 domains of concern that you can start addressing.
1. Lifeline of the couple
Where are you in the life of your couple and what is going on? Are the children out of the house, under the age of 5, starting high school, starting college, no children, and several years into your marriage? It doesn’t matter where you are in the timeline, what does matter is what is the task of the couple at this particular time in your lives. It is your job not to drift into these major challenges, but to design how you want to address the next stage. Take one night a week and talk about how you are doing, where you need help, do you still feel connected to each other, are you getting enough sleep, exercise, and good food, do you have resentment, are you just treading water, and anything else that occupies free real estate in your brain.
Community is always important and it really becomes noticeable when your children begin to have their own lives. Are you connected to other parents so you can assist each other? Do you have adult communities through either learning, spiritual beliefs, common interest, sports, etc? This can be as simple as Mom having a yoga/tennis/prayer etc. group where she focuses on herself with adults and Dad having his biking/tennis/golf/meditation buddies where he does the same. Coffee before or after can also facilitate connection to other people who have similar concerns. Is this missing or is this in place?
People have different practices in the domain of finances and I believe as the world gets bigger and more complicated it is important for people to couple in this domain. “We never talk about it”,” I don’t know anything about our finances,” “we have separate accounts”,” he/she handles all of that,” I do not believe is going to work. One person may “pay the bills” but both people need to have input and know what is going on. Pick a time to discuss finances and both of you keep up to date on how you are doing financially.
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