“In a world where you can be anything… be yourself!”
“He /she makes me want to be the best person I can,” is music to my ears when I am working with people in the dating game. In this day and age life can be challenging and couples need to be real partners to succeed in life. So before you start dating get yourself prepared!
1. Self Clarity/the Offer You Are to Someone!
Who are you? What makes you laugh, cry, indignant, angry, joyful for starters? Do you want to make a difference in the world? If so, how? Are you really single?
I mean really! Time to say good- bye to the hanger/ons and time to close all the Exit doors.
Are you a spiritual person? Are you willing to make room in your life for someone?
Set on a path to get clarity on what defines you as being special from others, find your voice and be that person! It helps the person looking for that very person find you!
2. Partner Clarity/the Offer You Are Looking For!
Start your list: must have, must not have, and preferences.
Somewhere in the must have/must not have, you might want to put the “really single” thing. So many people who are seriously interested in finding their life partner “forget” to ask or require this boundary. If you are a monogamous person, best you require the same from your partner. In this list you also want to put things like no sociopaths, liars, issues that are not predictive of a long lasting relationship.
Preferences include sports, classical music, reading, working out, theater, museums, travel etc. You may not match up in preferences and over time you may join your partner in his/her preferences because you love being together. I don’t call preferences deal breakers, and I do have concerns that if you don’t get the must/have, must not have list correct you could run into deal breakers.
3. Confidence and Clarity
Being in the world exuding confidence and clarity attracts confidence and clarity (It may also attract those who want it but don’t have it so take note. You will see this and probably need to move on). Always keep your life going while in the dating game. Do not put it on hold! If you have been in therapy, attended workshops, asked the serious questions and taken the time to figure out who you are, where you are going and then who will go on the journey with you the confidence and clarity will be nice by products of this work!
4. Drive or Be Driven
In the beginning of a relationship, I believe you should decide if you want to be the male/driving energy or female/being driven energy. If you want to drive, you begin the invites, get numbers, call, email, and let someone know you are interested. If you want to be driven, you encourage, are warm and inviting, respond, and let the driver know you are interested. Clarity is so valuable here. Let someone know who you are and where you are going in life! Once you are a couple, the drive or be driven issue transforms into something quite different.
5. Couple vs Single
We are stronger as a couple than either is as an individual. She/He makes me want to be a better person. He/she is under my skin. We think about each other all of the time. We have differences and we can respectfully work through them. We love the essence of each other. Our worlds are important to both of us. These are the types of comments that suggest you may have found a good partner!
Preparing yourself always makes the road easier. Take the time to do this!
“If he wants you to be in his life, he’ll put you there. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. “
© 2019 Dr. Anne Brown; Psychotherapist, Speaker, and Author of Backbone Power The Science of Saying No. Permission needed for any form of reproduction.